the Yerba Mate Tea Gourd

There's sacrilege involved in doing any manipulatin' of these holidays.

(That's probably what makes it so fun...) However: the laddie who started using drinking beer as an excuse for celebratin' what St. Patrick did (what did he do?)was already a wee bit on the "pushing it" side of things--don't ya think so?


[If it be true that the saint was "saintly" for slaying serpents--then the drinking might have been an understandable post-massacre enebrient to numb the brain from the environmental genocide of it all!]

Whoever added the green food color to the beer was really goin' too far... and so now I don't feel any twinge of guilt whatsoever in suggestin' that the day be moved over to tea.

I haven't done all of the footwork yet, but soon I'm certain that my letters to the ambassadors of Argentina, Paraguay, Uruguay, and Brazil will be reaching their destinations; convincing those countries to send a contingent of cultural ministers who will express and promote the non-alcoholic and stimulative reverie of party-time use of yerba mate in a gourd. It will take a little getting used to, but pubs will be able to brew it and serve it on tap as well, cask-conditioned, to give their patrons a little "taste-o-the-shamrock;" austral-style.

We already have some bartenders practicing getting a good head on the stuff and curling a deft shamrock in the top of the creamy latte foam versions (though we still be preferin' the amargo out-a the gourd don't ya know!)

It won't be on-line for this green season--however M.A.D.D. kisses the blarney stone every time we toast Here!Here! to jolly saint Patrick with mate gourds held high Clunk!Ckunk!

Have a safe Saint Patricks... and remember: Friends don't let friends drink anything but yerba mate tea!

Labels: Argentina, Brazil, cask-conditioned, drink, Green Beer, latte, non-alcoholic, on tap, Paraguay, Saint, shamrock, St. Patrick's, tea, Uruguay, yerba mate

The Yerba Mate Tea Gourd and W.E.L.O.V.E.Y.O.U. (the World Exploratory Laboratory for Obvious Value in Yerba Opportunities Unlimited), residing in a straw bale compound in the Western woodlands of the U.S., have just completed deciding that a study conducted for the past several years is worth continuing to fund... for the value inherent in the actual experimentation in the study they were conducting.

In fact a major portion of the study, which involves drinking yerba with a loved one, has been expanded to include others that we love only just a little bit--as it has been found, upon further study, that 'we' like them more and more upon further study. The study found that 'we' also like them more and more when they learn how to pour a good 'mate' for 'us'--especially after the long training: a natural byproduct of the study.

Yerbatero Karl Heiss, of the Yerba Mate Tea Gourd, was quoted as saying, "It just doesn't make sense to give it up now--after we've done all of this stuff. I really think we can change the direction of the world. I'm even willing to expand things to include cats I wouldn't normally drink with... like religious people and republicans.

"In this day and age we can use all of the extra love going around that we can get. Right? Tea, not bombs, man... dig?

"It's like... we're all 'one' sittin' around passing the gourd and that's like as complicated as it needs to get...."

Upon further questioning the new insights he brought forth seemed to dry up like the last sips of a washed-out mate... however the basic gyst of the study results seemed to be a mandate for further study. This, of course, was after drinking several 'mates' with him--wherein we became so wired that we were practically unable to write, but spent the latter part of the evening "cutting a rug", as he said, dancing to acid jazz, old bebop, and hip-hop tunes. Our original notes, lost during this period, and much of the conversation, had to be reproduced from memory. [It is worth mentioning that we had quite a few more good memories, upon reflection, than we thought we had previously. There was both a quantifiable increase in memories, and increase in good memories--both observations which parallel actual findings from the study.]

Reading the study itself doesn't help much to comprehend, in a literal sense, what it has all been about. The actual wording, from their own scientific literature, states, "All further study shall be poured into the most worthy vessel possible (study should be made into what are the most worthy) and this should be investigated as slowly and joyfully as necessary, or as participants dictate at the moment, until such time as those involved in the study are moved to further investigation--whereupon another vessel shall be provided, other participants involved (by a natural selection process--to be determined by further study) and focus be put on how much focus in being put on the process of the studying and how this focus increases with further study, how joyful is the focus, and how the qualitative aspects of studying generate more or less desire and focus, and an enhanced focus on desire."

Upon the question of 'desire' several participants in the study (who declined to be named in this interview) twittered with maidenlike silliness on their couches, covered their mouths, or sipped their mates too fast and nearly choked with laughter. Those who did respond, with promise of anonymity, stated that the study of the desire (that manifested itself through the original study) was now, for them, the major focus... and they were requesting further bags of foundation research material in order to elope and get married--which they said could only enhance the true nature of their work in this study and the world at large.

As if in answer to the questions on my face I was directed by study subjects to several 6 through ten-year-olds who, it was said, were offspring of original study members. These, it must be said, seemed to be well-adjusted, gifted, and happy children who spent much time in study and the painting of pictures and playing of music--which greatly enhanced my quality of stay with the entire group. The greatest understanding of this came to me when I eventually forced myself to leave the premises and found I missed their nearly continual chatter and creativity; their padding and sliding of stocking feet over the hand-hewn hardwood floors, and positive outlook on life. I had asked a small group of four of them, who were carrying a thermos to their parents, what they though of all of 'this' (gesturing around at their parents). They looked at me quite seriously and replied, "There's a lot of love here."

Labels: drinking, experimentation, findings, further, gourd, love, loved, mandate, married, mate, qualitative, religious, republicans, scientific, study, Value, yerba, yerba mate

These are not sugar plums. These are the fairies.

If it were not for the fairies we would not be thinking of sugar plums.

If it were not for the fact that the fairies have kept all of the sugar plums to themselves--or else have been so slipshod at arranging a harvest of the little things--we'd've been tooth and belly-aching with the over-eating of sugar-plum laden goodies for hundreds of years now.

Nevertheless... we leafy green gods of herbology do not pretend to know all about the erstwhile habits of the spry and fruity, pink, wand-toting bugs. They flit hither and thither while we slurp lazily in the undergrowth; content to chaw on bitter leaf and acrid stem, smell wafting scent of smoking wood, scorch our whiskers with steaming stream and inhale breath of bursting bubbles. The faeries are but a glimpse of sun-reflected heaven on evening cloud to us. Even the nutcracker is a down-to-earth beast in comparison to the faeries; choosing to put his faith in the hard and substantive: the "real" nut. It takes him to high heights. Verily! to dance with the faeries themselves. But everyone knows a nut; how droll. Sometimes it's enough for an aspiring and hard-working bird just to know there's work to do. The faeries could care less for that type of solace. The faeries have a whole other occupation the high-flying nutcracker only rubs elbows with and we bitter gourd-scraping rodents know nothing about--nor want to.

Think about it: we haven't, each one of us, even found all of nature's flavours of the world... and yet we have invented a thousand artificial flavors to take the place of the one's we already know! Artificial cherry flavor--my gosh!--evidently because cherries are so elusive!

It may be simple-minded... but we are trying, turning over, every leaf--tasting to make certain that every one is like the last. WE won't have time to douse them with a sugar-plummy elixir any time soon now; that is a heady occupation for faeries of high mind. Just knowing, for us, that there is a flavor we do not possess the knowledge to understand is a better state of being for us. Perhaps it is the mindset of a bush-living vegetarian to shun the artifice and seek the out-of-mind reality... however we prefer to think of it as superior emotional protection... for a fickle faery could spend its life searching for an elusive imaginary flavor and move right on to the next or (even worse!) invent an artificial one when the ultimate one didn't make the head dance with it.

But we would be so terribly heart-tweaked (if we admit to it!) Like the child who dreams of elusive sugar-plums and awakes to find: ice on the inside of his window, a family that loves him--making murmuring sounds--fast asleep, a cold wood floor, a sense of new wonder grown from desire... and almost, if he could breathe a bit deeper, the smell of sugar plums! We silently admit to ourselves that we like the idea of tempering our life with bitter herbs... with the thought that there are sugar plum faeries hoarding the best flavors of all just to themselves. Have a happy holiday season and to all a good mate!

Labels: artificial flavors, bitter, fairies, flavored, flavour, gourd, green, happy holiday, herb, herbology, nutcracker, sugar plum, sugar plum fairy, yerba mate

...for the same reason that Columbus would never make it to the New World: his boat would sink from cracking and swelling of the wood... for the same reason that the Norse and the Chinese, and the Polynesians, and the Egyptians, and the Aleuts in Kayaks all never made it to the "New" World thousands of years before mighty Columbus the haughty and confused. Of course they all DID make it here... because wood and water DO mix--it's just that you have to keep it at a relatively stable humidity content (like as in totally submerged.)

You may be understanding by now that I am leading you on another adventure. We are not getting to India any day now. In fact the real reason wooden mates may not make it to the New World in any great quantity is that these "New Worlders" in general don't seem capable of coping with a little "abnormality" these days... such as a small crack in their mate cup. It is not supposed to happen to a "new" thing: the getting of a little crack in it. This is the thinking of a plastic mind [that's right I said "plastic mind" when I was really wanting you to think "spastic mind", but understanding that "plastic" refers to the fact that everyone has become accustomed to plastic's ability to perform the function of holding water so cheaply and UNIFORMLY. We have become UNIFORM these days, in large part, because of our ability to experience it through plastic. In the days of yore, when a gourd or a leather flask were the height of style in drinking vessels, we knew to ignore a few small.. cracks. Now it is as if the Nina is sinking and all of the future of "civilization" is going down with it!]

Yes, I put "civilization" in quotes, because I have great misgivings about what people mean when they say that. It just may be that dolphins and their ilk have the highest level of civilization on this planet. While touring through the oceans in great (getting lesser and lesser) pods chasing giant (becoming miniscule) schools of fish their lack of need and desire for material things is a great advantage. They may play with a boat occasionally... but then it's back to gnashing anchovies.

Grabbing a piece of bamboo from the forest floor and using it for a drinking vessel is inspired and useful. It is what our ancestors did. Inventing fire was useful. Sitting around with friends drinking yerba mate tea leaves out of a simple bamboo, wood, or gourd cup is both inspiring and useful (albeit a bit more deeply diving into artifice than simply snacking on live anchovies).

Put a price tag on it though and suddenly the natives are restlessly irritated and windging about the seep of tea coming out of their piece of carved wood. It happens. You have traded a few scheckels for a bit of history and found it wanting. If you bought a cruise on the Nina I am certain you would be complaining as well [the durned thing wasn't more than 40 feet long if I remember correctly!]

My advice is to have a seat on board and enjoy the ride; if you keep your top up you'll get there in one piece. Just remember: if Christopho Colombo made it so can you.

Labels: ancestors, bamboo, Christopher Columbus, cracking, cruise, dolphins, drinking, humidity, new world, Nina, plastic, swelling, vessel, wood, wooden boat, yerba mate