Saturday, April 19, 2008
These are the ground rules of the debate:
- The moderator (yours truly, the Great Yerbini) will fill a large porongo 3/4 full with Playadito yerba mate tea--con palo. [By sales alone this tea has proven to be the most popular tea among thousands of yerba mate fans visiting the Yerba Mate Tea Gourd and was thusly chosen for its general appeal and familiarity.]
- The moderator will heat water to exactly 70-degrees Celcius--measured by a thermometer (whose reading will be corroborated by all of the various presidential nominee participants.)
- The mate will be poured by the moderator/matero to the same less-than-full height for every participant.
- Bombilla straws will be drawn and the participant who picks the short, 6-inch straw will go first; passing of the mate proceeding clockwise--around the circle of debaters-turned-yerbamateros.
- The moderator will refill after every participant takes the mate... and will pass it, filled, to the next.
We fully expect to truly understand our nominees on a much deeper level after this tea party.
If Barak Obama suddenly says, upon his first sip, "Boy, the bitter voters of Pennsylvania were nothing compared to this!" We will assess him critically. If he continues to drink until his portion is gone and the air enters the bombilla with that satisfied slurping sound we will take his bitter remark for what it was: a passing observation--nothing more. "The disenfranchised voters are turning to guns, religion, and strange tea!" If he refrains from twiddling around the bombilla in the porongo we will carefully record him as a wise man not predisposed to tamper with things which are already working and someone capable of "staying the course."
When Hillary's turn comes, and she grabs the mate with a firm grip and stern visage, we might consider her a bit too 'tight' for the Tea Party and, when she tries to fall back on her husband's line and say she "sucked, but did not swallow"--we'll throw her right out with the spent yerba! Hillary is no bombilla twiddler, and she won't stop halfway--but when she takes a drink and starts seeing snipers again we will have to watch out. What's this? Oh, 'Hill'... she's taken a sip and started to cry! "It's so bitter... so sweet..." she wails, wiping here eyes on her sleeve and slurping the last of her mate. This'll be a hard one people.
I do hope that John McCain can make it--as I have great respect for his remaining opposed to the Mad Hatter's dipping of the dormouse into the teapot for reasons of obtaining timely information. It was he who stood against many of those who would have undermined our civil rights even further than has already occurred. We appear to be headed to a justice befitting the Queen-of-Hearts herself. How, however, would Johnny drink his mate? Lord knows he would not pull out the bombilla under any circumstances--regardless of how washed-out and ineffectual the yerba was. Sometimes though, John you just have to start a new mate. Which brings me to the Spanish language association of the word maté with the accent on the'e' which means "to have killed" from the root verb matar or ¨to kill¨. In which case we could create the pun "to stop the mate", spelling it like some people here do with the accent on the 'e', except in Spanish. I'm sure I've lost you, but this might be an appropriate chant for some protesters to jump up and yell before our nation's rented SS officers pounce on them.
If Ron Paul can make it that would be great; there are many others I'd like to have had come and drink tea with us--including John Edwards. I think he'd have enjoyed a drink as green as this. Paul might find the whole passing communally just a bit too COMMUNAL if you know what I mean. I mean Libertarians don't even want public parks to be financed by the government. Oh... did I call Paul a Libertarian? Dennis Kucinich would look good toting a gourd and bombilla around; it could freshen up his old curmudgeon mothball image with a youthful vigor and flair. Our guess is that he will send the mate out to be analyzed and the session will have to be over. However, given the vast and sinister underground conspiracy to keep rogue outsiders away from central politics, these fellows will not show up.
Anyway... this is our plan; we'll let you know when the dates have been finalized. And if you have any guys, or gals, that are "in-the-know"; have your guys, and gals, talk to our guys, and gals; we'll fill the pava and get it on the stove.